Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Some Days are Diamonds/Some Days are Zirconias

WANNA SEE THE FACE OF A NUTTY PERSON??
    OK----So lets get to the brass tacks(whatever that means)....Guess I'll let it all hang out....(NO WALKER NOT IN THE CHEST AREA U BOOBY MAN!)....You too Bill!
  As most of u know I applied for Disability.Little did I know sincve the recession,people have been making SSI/Disabilty work overtime.
  So that SOME of us really need help from the Govt.Tit(as ppl say)...I fit ALL the criteria(so many lawyers say.It's a slam-dunk case.
  I was diagnosed several years ago with Bipolar Type2.....O.C.D.(obsessive compulsive disorder)....borderline schittzophrenia.....and other personality disorders that make life one big horrible roller coaster.People say I don't(usually)show any outward signs,and I'm a non-violent person,that CAN flip the script,but haven't physically since..umm....long story.
     No sympathy needed.....just an FYI.....I've been through multitudes of tests.From testing my blood(salt)counts...to brain activity stuff.Not sure where or how I got these monkeys on my back,but with meds,I can hold them at bay(MOST of the time)
  But PLEASE lets not confuse my prior post as one of my mental illnesses.I was told by people that know me personally that say "It's about damn time you decided to TELL IT LIKE IT IS"!!....so no regrets.
    I have my ups & downs but mostly nobody EVER knows,cuz I smile and laugh and keep cracking my warped jokes,which is my mechanism of hiding whats REALLY going on inside at times.Some say,its a mask to hide whats REALLY under my skin.So I don't feel that it interferes w/ my daily living like I've seen it happen to alot of people ,so I have to be truly grateful for my way of grinnin'  & bearin' it.

    BTW,unlike some ppl think,these many tests are NOT just by mouth or on paper.The docs have blood drawn to see how my chemicals are in my dome (in laymens terms,so its easy to understand.....just a quick explanation)----->.The blood they take,determines how much natural salt is producing to keep you chemically balanced,and if you aren't producing enough,I'll just explain what I've been told by a doctor---> "your mind is like a car that has spark plugs that fire great,and cause ur car to run great....but if your missing certain salts and other chemicals that ur brain needs,then your spark plugs mis-fire terribly"
  So with that being said...I've wanted second,third forth and more(so-called) mechanic shops to get a better result...and its all the same.UUuGH!
  Am I crazy?Depends on what ur definition of "crazy"means.I'm harmless,mostly to others.Really.I self sabatage,and self inflict things to try and get this freakin monkey off my back.But it's there and all I can do isd treat the sucker.I REFUSED to believe the first few psychs,because it seemed like u can tell them ANYTHING and roll with it.But,blood tests and other exams contadict me telling professionals"THERE'S NOT SHIT WRONG WITH ME!!!"But my physical testing,especially missing certain type salts that soooo many others have that I don't...cuz I just refused to be called "crazy"...which is a word my doctors will actually yell at me for useing.They say"Not CRAZY,just chemically inbalanced"!
   As I said...I just want to lay it on the line,and maybe re-read this later on down the road and see what progress I've made or haven't.
  I felt like it was time to be REAL and hope I have a friend left now that isn't running for the hills.                                  ;-}
HEY WAIT!!! COME BACK.lol
    

13 comments:

Bill said...

It don't matter to me babe what they call you cause your always close enough to perfect for me. Love ya babe!

RennyBA's Terella said...

Don't worry! We're here for you - blog friends always understand!

letti said...

Ugh chemical imbalance sucks. Hang in there Tammi. It's good to put all this on paper ( so to speak ) and come back later, like you say, to see how much you have progressed, and I'm sure you'll be progressing in leaps and bounds! *hugs to ya girl*

Tamara said...

BILL~~
That is so sweet.These meeting I go to talk alot about not having to try to be perfect.....and Lord knows,I fit RIGHT IN!! lolol

Walker said...

So what you're saying is you need a little salt in the brain pan and that's why you walk around with your tits hanging.

Tamara said...

WALKER~~
Those doctors I wondered if they were just making up names like Bipolar to keep from just calling me downright nuts!!
Hey...btw,the ONLY thing AWESOME about this weight gain,is I HAVE KICKASS CLEAVAGE!!
Don't I Bill?lol

Bill said...

Damn straight on the clevage babe!! LOL They use the term bipolar so they can charge out the ass for their fees babe. LOL if they used the term nuts they might be talking vasectomy :)

Manblogger641 said...

No one is runnin away we are all right here for you. No worries be happy Tammi.

Lord Genocyde said...

Brass Tacks were actually used to keep parts of a saddle together. Sitting on those things would be worse than having...well, you get it.

Anyway, getting down to the brass tacks was always a decent way of saying that stripping the soft layers off to get right down to where the base is and rebuild from there.

So, never let it be said that horse's asses aren't important.

Tamara said...

LORD GENITALS....OOPS! GENOCYDE!!
hahaha
That was a good one,huh? I had to laugh at my OWN self at that one!lololol
I get tickled to death to see u come by....and leave it to you to ALWAYS have something for me to have to re-read cuz I think your I.Q. tops the charts.Your the coolest teacher I know.Actually(just thinking outloud)....being a prison guard or your other various type jobs are cool and all....but u would REALLY make a good High School teacher.Seriously.
Love ya dawg!huggggs

Tamara said...

MANBLOGGER641~~
I can't get on your blog.I thought u were in my fave list too.....what happened?
Anyways...thanks,hun.Your input always makes me smile....even when I'm in my nutty phase.LOL
hug hug

Lord Genocyde said...

Me? A High School Teacher?

Yeah, I could see that lesson plan going well.

"Okay, kids, here's the deal. I can sit here and teach you all this shit that the state thinks is American History and you could spit it back at me, I'll pat you on the head and you'll all walk away like good little sheep...

Orrrr...

Nah, fuck it, someone's gotta tell you the truth because everyone else has lied to you. Now, someone pass me a damn smoke and let's get started. I know one of you is holding and I don't intend to rat. Let's get the ugly truth outta the way..."

Yeah, I'd end up producing some really fucked up students.

Tamara said...

L.GENO~~AKA D.J.
HAHA!!! Your such a ding dong.lololol
You are full of knowlege and when ppl read your blog,it's really really obvious.So tell that to someone who DON'T know you,cuz you'd make an AWESOME teacher!!
Really! Well....maybe not elementary kids(hahahaha)
looove ya dude!