I said I would

OK--so I opened my mouth and said I would put an update pic of my battle wounds...but I forgot to take one...so here is a pic of me and A'million today...of course he ALWAYS takes a great pic! But I just got out of the tanning bed and I'm a bit pinkish(as u can see)lol...Notice the redneck? And noooo that doesn't make me a bona-fide redneck!!HA..Although when I right click & enlarge the pic,I still look like crap,but thank goodness for makeup...cuz I'm tired of people asking.It's embarrassing to admit...so I don't.This seems to be the only place I can let it all hang out...so 2 speak.
My daughter seen my eye and leg and bruises etc...and went ape shit,talking about killing him.And of course she doesn't understand why I even F*** with him...but then,neither do I,so that makes two of us.Ok,so I really needed to get off that last post,cuz I'm STILL the idiot in the situation...no matter HOW I try and rationalize all of this.The REAL nutcase is ME for even hoping things would ever be any different.I can't help it.I miss the guy I met.He's friggin gone,and I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT.I miss the way he done alot of things that no other guy has done since....does the word "multiple"sound too bad to admit?Nevermind.;-{
I don't miss losing hair every fight.Lieing to the doctor at the damn hospital,when he asked him to leave the room,so I would "fess up".Hell,I could keep nameing the good,the bad,and the ugly all night...but what's the friggin point?He keeps calling me.I know I should avoid this..but why in the crap is it so hard to "just hang up"??
"It is what it is"!
DAMN-IT Tammi!! MOOOOVE ON!!!!!! I'm driving myself crazy,I think.
Another thing....I want to move.Since Mamie is gone,this house is too big,and well....It just feels so numb here with her gone.I can't go into her room.I wonder if I'm being wierd about that.I just can't go in there.Matter-of-fact...I think this a*** kicking has kept my mind sort of (selfishly) off of missing her as bad as I thought I would.Even though she and I were at odds sometimes....I STILL miss her like crazy.I asked her son if I could post her picture,and he thinks maybe not now.I understand that.