WHAT A DRAG!

I planned on spending my 2 days off at the lake...BUT...Rayven said she was gona come get A'million yesterday in the a.m.,and got here at 5....she had to go to the doctor and get meds for a kidney infection.So...so much for that day.Today it looks like it's gona rain....so if it doesn't start lightening,I'll go to the tanning salon.I'd much rather be floating out on my float w/ a beer and a book enjoying the REAL sunshine.Maybe it's just really cloudy this morning.The pool at work is nasty as h*** right now,and not even open or I'd go there.That is...if it doesn't rain!It's supposed to already be opened.Alright J,get on your J-O-B dude! :-}
Holy shite! Guess who's blowing my cell and home phone up? None other than Ray himself.Talking about..."come home" You would think in 8 years of being w/ each other and a year of seperation,things would change.NOT!!! OK,so I DID go back for one night.I have to admit though...one night of pleasure(and I DO mean pleasure) doesn't mean that I have the nerve to go back to 24-7 argueing,insults,accusations and jealous rages.But DAMMIT it's so confusing to me.I still love him.I love the really sweet side he's got.But the really cruel side is still there.It clicked on me as I was leaving and he mentioned that I "WILL definately be quitting my job when I come home"...that's pretty much all I needed to hear.Damn.Same ol' Ray.Bossy and won't take no for an answer.So I just pulled off thinking: Yea, right.I'd be a fool to go back to being told when and where I can do anything.I couldn't even think for myself.He did the thinking for both of us in EVERY situation.So why why why do I still love him so much?You would think after a few years and a few dates,that my feelings for him would fizzle out.Instead I don't give anyone a chance.I compare everyone to him,and nobody measures up.It's not as if Ray is always a dickhead.He has a really sweet fun side that I can't seem to find in anyone else.No matter how hard I try.
Oh what a tangled....screwed up web I weave.LOL
Time to go see how "normal" people live.(my faves of course)