BACK ......FINALLY!!

Ohh my gosh,baby A'million has gained 4 lbs since he changed formula's,and he's already rolling hiself OVER! Isn't that awesome?
In other news...??Well,gosh it's been so long,I don't know which issue to unload.
OK....I'll just say it.I MISS RAY!!
I know in my heart that no matter how much counseling,church,or how many promises are made...we simply CANNOT co-exist in the same household,nor can we even get through a 24 hour period without fighting....mostly him grilling me about the who.what and where's since our breakup.Now that the back to back 28 calls,17 calls then 9 calls all in a few hours in a row have stopped....I am catching myself wondering what is going on.
Our cells have changed and we are no longer linked in that way....but what the F**** is wrong w/ me? Am I a glutton for punishment? Cuz I DO miss him.
REWINDING.....OK,I DID say I DO MISS HIM--but only CERTAIN things about him.
I know this sounds lame.....but I've been around guys that just got off work and smell like....YUKK!!! Ray NEVER,and I PROMISE you,NEVER had a foul smell about him.Even his sweat smelled manish.
Now....before you get the idea that this boo-hoo poor me,I miss Ray talk has any hidden meaning....well,it DOESN'T.My mind is made,and it's gona stay that way,cuz no matter how much I miss the good things,the BAD out weighs the good.Once I play that tape ALL the way through...look down at my arm,where I had no use of it even before he car accident b/c of him.The other physical and mental scars,that kept me so miserable and in fear ALL the time,will never change my mind.As bad as I wish I could just have all the good sides of Ray....that would mean I would have to go back to dealing w/ that emotional roller coaster ride he kept me on.
Nope.
I can't imagine giving up this freedom.
Got off work at the usual time(graveyard)...and I STILL haven't been to sleep.so I better keep up my schedual....so night night!!!
I love you all...even if I haven't been by to catch up on my best blog buddies...you are in my thoughts!!
hugsss!
Ba back soon w/ more baby pix!
HUGGGS!