MY LIL SWEETHEART!

As you know,I've been keeping my lil nephew.Without going into any sister bashing,as I've made the same mistakes at her age,but never in front of my kids.Which doesn't justify anything I've done....but my point is this.I've become so attached to my 4 year old little sweety.I've heard and known of children that were beaten,but yet STILL demand to "go home to mommy".Not scooty(my nickname,btw).He just told me last night that he doesn't want to go home.He THOUGHT he overheard me telling my roomie that I was gona carry him home,and he came to me all teary-eyed asking me why was I gona bring him back? That just broke my heart.I hugged and hugged him telling him not to worry,he's not going ANYWHERE! I explained that I SURE didn't say that.He must have misunderstood me.So I'm gona wait today until I know my HALF sister!(same mom-different father) is fully awake.Which is usually around noon or later...IF she hasn't been UP ALL night anyways, and discuss his future,paperwork-wise. She's drawing assistance on him,and will give me his share this week...or be in BIG trouble if she doesn't,I might add.
With or without the assistance though,he's here to stay if I have the final say in it.My roomies 14 year old grandson that came to stay w/ me a few months ago are a true blessing.We had a rough 1st few weeks,but now that we have our guidlines/borders designated,things are going smoothly.They totally agree and help me alot w/ lil scooty alot.In fact,I believe scooty is actually keeping the 14 year old in line! He spends hours on end playing games,water guns,plastic B.B. guns,riding bikes here in the yard(of course),both have skateboards,and I move my car out of the garage to give them room to skate,etc...Well,my car is in the shop,so they have the run of the garage now.
Anyways,he's such a sweetheart.I wonder sometimes if I'm being selfish in that maybe it's my way of starting over ,wanting to be the best mother figure I can,since I feel I wasn't when mine were scooties age.You can't tell my girls that though.They say"ohhhh Mom,you were a good mom!"....but we all know this is not true.They must be pushing back the times in their mind when they cried for mommy while I was in the state penetentiary.They don't want to think about that,nor talk about it,they both say.In an arguement a few years ago,it was thrown back at me in a real painful,but truthful way.Yea,the truth DOES hurt sometimes.
But I don't really think I'm trying to use scootie as a way of making things right within myself.All I know is,the environment he was in was not only miserable for him,but against the law!My mother,that just had heart surgery surely couldn't take him,so I called her and she said simply..."come get him,you can have him"!Then a few days later she calls and says "only the summer".But I don't think I can let go.I know so.