Texas Tammi

Rain,rain,and MORE rain.

When will it go away? Doesn't God know that people make their living when it's NOT raining?Not me.....but lots of people do.I bet I've had to kill 1,000 f;ies in the past 2 days b/c people keep standing around w/ the door open like retards!Nothing new and exciting on this end.Just that I can't understand why my younger sister feels the way she feels sometimes.She just called me and said "I know I bug you by calling you everyday"....now why would she feel that way? I'm just a straight forward person...when I'm busy...I SAY "I'm busy...will all u later".My poor excuse for a mother has kept her self-esteem so shot down for so many years,that she feels like she gets on peoples' nerves,and I truly DESPISE my mother for that.There is soooo damn much to bitch about in the "bio-mother" department,I wouldn't even know where to start...but NOBODY...I MEAN NOBODY can tell me that my sisters serious mental health problems didn't start with SHERRY(our mother).She was downright abusive mentally AND physically,to the point that child protective had to put us 3 in homes when we were younger.I went to a girls home and my 2 sisters wound up in seperate foster homes! Truth be known....we should have ALL 3 been wards of the state from birth,instead,we had to wait till my phsycho mother killed someone to be heard...Foster homes from birth should have happened,and then we never would have had to watch each of us get kicked and thrown up against walls,hair pulled out by the handfuls,etc.......O.k.,....I refuse to get on my pity-pot over this today....but even though we are all adults now,and are totally responsible for our own mistakes....I WSTILL say that Teresa never stood a fighting chance! I HONESTLY believe that during one of my mothers' crazy rages,she threw Teresa or hit her so hard that it mentally impaired her for life.Matter-of-fact,the state just approved her for a check....which is hard as hell to get here in Texas...even if your 68 years old w/ several heart-attacks,the state still tries to deny you when applying for a govt. social security check.A few appeals and a lawyer usually gets the check going.But my sister doesn't even have to have a lawyer,she has done all the necessary things,and her check will start soon,simply because her mental illness won't allow her to hold a job.We can thank dear old mother for THAT!

Some people find it cold and harsh,what I have to say about the person that brought us into this world.But those that know her personally,do understand.Hell,my mothers sister tried to get her committed to Terrell(a psyche hospital)but my mother agreed that she would go into the substance abuse part instead of the nutty bin,so Aunt Linda backed off and let her do that instead.Did it work? Yea,she seemed totaly different for a WHOLE WEEK!! wow!

Anyways...I have 2 precious daughters' and I could never imagine physically or emotionally hurting them the way she did us.It doesn't bother me as much anymore,to really think about it.....but when my sister calls meand tells me that she's so sorry for being such a pain in the ass for bothering me by calling~~NOW that really unerves me.Cuz it DOESN'T bother me at all.I mean,sure,sometimes I'm in the middle of something and can't talk....but Teresa says she gets the feeling that I just don't want to talk to her or see her....but THAT'S NOT true.That's just that low-self-esteem-beaten-down attitude that our mother instilled in her.As if she were "a nothing"......and that's just simply not the case.

When I have things to do,or if I'm in the middle of something...I won't stop what I'm doing just to jaw-jack....unless of course something very serious is going on...

But anyways..... time to cook supper.....hmmmmm??? Tired of cookin' the same O' stuff.I think I'll try something different today.OMIGOSH!!!!!!! Scarey thought! ha ha

T.