What a mess!!!

I have no sound whatsoever coming from my speakers (before I go further,this is REALLY gona make me seem a beer short of a six-pack) But wtf.I'm so irritated I MUST unload(blog) this or put my fist through the wall.Plan A sounds less painful.
I go to Circuit City and buy the Rocketfish 5.1 Soundcard...either 29.99 or 39.99,not the cheapest and not the most expensive,but the rep said it was the best seller.....So I'm told "Awww hell,that is SOOOO EASY to just take off the cover slide it in and bam! You got sound,a 2 year old can do it"!BULLSHIT!!!
From what "I" read ...it said take that bar off.So.....this is no shit! I took off the bar on the sound card that has those colored plugins on them and found an empty slot and had a hell-of-a-time making it fit in that sucker.It FINALLY went in and I put the thing back together and everything went right,it LOOKED LIKE!! It specifically said NEW HARDWARE FOUND (by the clock)..so I pop in the CD Rom and follow the instructions.Then all of a sudden my computer shuts down and then reboots,again and again and again!!! I read the papers again and it dawned on me!! WTF?? What did it mean plug in the cd-rom cable into the new sound card? Then it dawned on me,that the metal that was supposed to be taken off was the damn thing on the SIDE of the puter! So I start over.Put ot back together,and go down to a lower place to slide in the new sound card.Not the long black place I had pushed in ,in the 1st place.Secondly there are obviously a few slots that can be removed to allow the damn card to go in there with that bar attached!!RE-ATTACHED,that is!I tried looking for ANY kind of cable that goes from the CD rom to that new sound card and was again baffled.So I skipped it and put the case back on and plugged up the 10,000 wires and plugs back in...and son-of-a-fucking-bee-atch'!!! Wreaking havok again.So I unplugged it all AGAIN!! and put things back like they were to begin with.STILL NO SOUND! and frankly I don't give a fuck really.3 1/2 hours of this over a "supposed simple sound card issue",this computer is lucky to not being catching dew on it out in the back yard!!
SKEET!! My never-met-in-person computer genious in New York,was nowhere to be found,and just so you know....I'll be on the next flight to NY.You'll recognize me right away.Un-combed hair,no luggage,in my nightgown,houseshoes and dragging this computer by the electric cord when you see me get off the plane.I NEEDED YOU BIG DADDY! If you were out suddsing it up while I was in this emergency situation,your a*** is grass,and I'm not talking about the kind you smoke.lol