Everything Seems Different!

Ok,since God was clearly in that court room,and the Judge seen fit to put me on probation instead of send me back to the penetentiary,the sun shines so pretty.I WANT to get up and do so many things.I feel 100 percent better physically(other than my eyeball s burning)Yup,I did THAT again.I don't wanna talk about it cuz somebody would probably tell me not to wear contacts again(I've already heard that speech.lol)   Anyways....life is much better knowing I'm not going back up that got-awful river that I promised my daughters' I would NEVER go down again.Whew!! That was so close though.TOO CLOSE.I wore the cutest outfit,a really jazzy  new expensive pant-suit,but yet,thinking I would be cuffed and shackled right there in court,I wore stupid new tennis shoes w/ that outfit instead of heals.2 pairs of thick white socks,a white t-shirt underneath my clothes,and two pairs of panties,2 bra's...lol...ALL jail approved stuff.OMG,I was ready.Cept' it felt like I was about to be sent to death row.Which reminds me...I tried so hard and dropped so many forms to the Warden to be sent from Lane Murray(the prison I was at) to Mountainview,which is where death row is...cuz thats the only unit where you can get the computer skills.Each womans unit has a vocation you can request to take,but my unit was friggin the largest/maximum custody and housed more damn murderers and even women child molestors than Mountainview.
  I guess life seems so much better now cuz I've been re-living so many things I had forgotten since I was in prison,its just crazy.Like the day a table full of women were swearing up and down I was Darlie Routier(now before I get tongue lashed,like the last time I mentioned this) I'm not saying she's frickin innocent of murdering her 2 small boys,or she's innocent! I'm just saying I nearly got jumped becuz those inmates thought I was HER! Duhh,yes,I was THERE in the infirmary when she was brought in,so I DID see her..but then she was locked down away from ALL prison population on death row..duhh! I almost had to fight all these idiots.I don't think I look at all like her.Not THEN,and not NOW.But the low rumbleing talk in that chow hall was about jumping ME! EEEK! Then living w/ people like Diane Zamora(the cadet that killed the cheerleader) along w/ her  co-conspirator David Graham...she tryed to act like she was some famous freakin star,and it pissed me off having to work with her in maintenance...hell,she worked in the tool room checking(signing) each tool in and out! Easy access to escape! The dummies! She could have cut our throats to get away,I'm sure.Of course when the Texas 6 guys escaped,they shut ALL Texas prisons down.No movement on ANY unit.It was 13 days of hell.Then they decided to pull all the Stat 2's....in English,all the people on an "aggrivated" type level.Murders...violent offenders....anybody doing a long sentence...and even the short sentences but are violent inmates inside OR before they were sent to TDC.They pulled their status,thus taking away maintenance jobs,commissary jobs,any trustee status job on any unit.I lived side-by-side w/ a girl that was smoking crack and had her baby at the crack house,let the baby die and continued to smoke crack.Worked with a girl that shook her baby so hard and beat her so badly it killed her.Man o man,I was so glad when the job changes were made.Working on maintenance we had access to bolt cutters,you name it! And it's a thousand wonders someone didnt escape before they changed the job requirements.Well,there WERE guys that HAD escaped...but no women while "I" was there.But all these thoughts keep flooding my head,and how miserable I was in prison,and Lord knows,I HAVE to straighten up and pay attention to every step I take from here on out!!I'm looking for just the right group I'm gona be comfortable in,as we speak.I know I can't do this alone.So talkingh to people like me...that have had a suck-ee criminal history and don't judge me harshly,I think is something I need to do.If people HERE on my blog can try and understand me and still be my friend,I'm sure there is a group out there of people like ya'll somewhere close by.I know there is AA and NA and maybe that would be okay,but I wasn't impressed with that last meeting I tryed.Hell,my ex-uncle(thru my step-dad) was there TALKING about how clean and sober he was,and I know for a FACT that he was lieing his ass off!!He BUYS from a stupid,lets say family member that sells him mucho coke.Not 2 worry.I don't speak to that family member AT ALL.I havent in ages.Don't even wanna be seen at that house either.Anyways, He had the balls to come up to my car being all flirty and stuff and it just grossed me out.Not JUST that I love my ex-aunt(step aunt) if that makes sense...but that he was sitting there for about 15 minutes talking a mound of bullshit,saying he hasn't touched ANYTHING like coke,only weed(but he didnt say that in his speech) for 6 years.YEA RIGHT!
  Anyways...will look around and see about some sort of support type group.It doesn't have to be a drug type thing.
  Crap...just went outside and found the heavy ass box of what is SUPPOSED to be "JUST" a Fed X delivery of both inks for my printer(black & colored)..opened the heavy box and its 2 blacks and 100's of free packs of glossy paper!! $58.43 for what was supposed to be COLORED INK TOO! UUGH! Oh,well,at least I'm not sitting in jail wondering if my delivery made it!lol...not funny,really...but so true.
 and this is my favorite!!!