Texas Tammi: WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!!!?????SOB!respond or dont!I'm nuts rt now

Friday, September 18, 2009

WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!!!?????SOB!respond or dont!I'm nuts rt now

sorry.had 2 edit the bullshit.I just think there's no fucking hope.all the rambling didnt change a thing.dont worry.i'll b ok...i guess.

17 comments:

Tamara said...: HERE IS THAT WORD I'M LOOKING FOR!!! SELF-FUCKING SABATAGE(SP)
damn it...why cant I be you normal ppl that have so much to offer us....things to do to detour my mind? my kids are grown,I feel fat and overweight and fucking useless!! I'm sorry....I'll delete this ....I got to.Daddy dont have a coronary.Im ok...IF YOU ARE READING!!
I'm sorry I'm not the best daughter 4 u 2 B proud of.; September 18, 2009 at 7:18 PM
Tamara said...: I'm fed up with your pretty....bullshit!! I'm ugly inside and out and would NEVER HAVE A FRIEND LIKE MEEEEE!; September 18, 2009 at 7:19 PM
Tamara said...: delete this Tammi!!! Fine,show the fking world and my fam what a freakshow I am; September 18, 2009 at 7:24 PM
Tamara said...: I sound like I need a straight jacket,right?; September 18, 2009 at 7:50 PM
Bill said...: Tammi please settle down babe you will be ok do you need me to come to Tyler because I wold do it because I do care about you and do want to help you if I can at all possible do please call me or e-mail me back as I am worried about you and your state of mind right now.; September 18, 2009 at 9:18 PM
tweetey30 said...: If I had some way to get to where you are woman I would but sorry I dont. Give me a call tomorrow sometime if you read this. I also e-mailed you... Hope you feel better about whats egging you on soon... Take care and hugs ok..; September 18, 2009 at 11:04 PM
nachtwache said...: Tammi, believe it or not, there's a lot of us that have our nutty moments. Some more, some less. You're just human.
There's lots of medical help for emotional or mental issues these days, altough lots is unknown still by doctors.
Our doctor just put my hubby on meds for attention deficit and I have to watch how it affects him, if he gets super hyper and weird, it's not for him, but if he actually can slow down his thoughts and function better, then it's jackpot!
There's some trial and error, you need to be patient and talk to your doc about how it works.
I had to try 3 different anti depressants, the third one made me feel normal and helped me out of the pit.
You might be dealing with a mental/ medical issue that you can get help for.
If you can get some counselling besides the meds, that's best.
I think I understand some of what you're saying.
I've never felt I was good looking, although people tell me I am, I still don't believe it.
I look in the mirror and I guess I'm just not my own taste. We're our own hardest critics and life can get a bit much at times.
Hope you're feeling better soon!!
Hugs from one nut to another :); September 19, 2009 at 5:54 AM
Lindy said...: Tammi, If I've hurt your feelings or not been there to support you I'm sorry. I'd rather jump off the Big Mac Bridge than know I've somehow added to your misery. Please accept my sincerest apology.; September 19, 2009 at 7:11 PM
letti said...: what happened, tammi?? *major hugs* You know deep inside that you are nothing like the names you call yourself. Here's an idea.. go by my mommy blog and watch jaxon blow some raspberries.. guaranteed to put a smile on your face :); September 19, 2009 at 9:27 PM
Walker said...: Tammi, what I am going to tell you is going to scare the shit out of you so you should sit down.
Get naked if you like.
You're normal.
Me on the other hand, it's still up in the air.

Yeah I know finding out you're normal scares the shit out of you more than knowing you're nuts because you can justify how you feel right now but trust me you're not nuts.
Just plan fucken fed up and need to crap out a little thunder.
I want to scream sometimes or to walk into a bar then start a fight just to vent some and to get some of the shit knocked out of me just so I could feel alive instead of being in the nightmare I was in at the moment
Sometimes the world feels like it’s all on your shoulders and you can't take it any more and wish it would all go away.
You have no life and you can’t have the life you want.
Life was simpler when you were younger and now it’s more complicated when you would think it would be simpler with all the strides you have made.

Life starts resembling a large dam and every time it springs a leak you plug it up with a finger toe or any other appendage that’s free until you run out of fingers, toes and what ever else you were using and have now for to decide what to sacrifice to you pull out a finger from someplace where the loss would be less and stop the new leak but there always are new leaks
Sometime you have to let the dam burst then clean up the mess after so you could rebuild a stronger dam.

For the record I am working on writing a long ass comment like the one you left me.
Oh and you’re not fat, kind of skinny if you ask me

I think you have to reinvent Tammi
What you need to do is take a shower with a pungent shower gel
Does Vicks make shower gel?
After you dry yourself stand in front of the mirror and slap your cheeks until they are nice and pink.
They should be nice and plump from the swelling too.
You could use makeup to achieve the same result but slapping is more dramatic don’t you think?

Get dress up and take a picture of yourself

The Tammi in the picture is the real Tammi, who you are today.
Yesterday’s picture has faded away.
None of us can be who we were.
You know, if we were who we were, wouldn’t we be old today?

You are the new improved Tammi.
The one who has learned all about life first hand and is stilling living it.
Your battles are in the past and they need to stay there while you move on.
It’s the easiest way.
New frontiers for you to explore.
Who knows, you may find Captain James T. Kirk
Just watch out for Captain Kangaroo, they got big tails you know

Boy am I glad I got all that off my chest.
Just take care of yourself and the rest will take care of its self.

Do you think that was long enough?; September 21, 2009 at 12:13 AM
Tamara said...: WALKER--
I can always leave it to you to NOT let me wallow in fucking self pity,and YES YES YES I really really DID feel like smashing my head into a fucking wall so that I can feel something!! I HAVE been able to take a hellofalot of OUTER pain,but this inside torment I can't deal with.
I was really glad I deleted the lengthy 1st post that I edited OUT! Cuz my Daddy and Mom called me the next day and let me have it.I think my Mom was even crying while she was telling me that they have and will always be nothing but proud of me....so at 1st I was shocked that they actually read my blog,I mean,I found out my sister stumbled across my blog a while back,but didnt know my parents payed attention to my blog.They both had me boo-hoo'ing like a 14 year old that just discovered my parents are really the BEST.
I mean,they were the LAST people on the face of Gods green earth that I figured would stand behind me/beside me during my entire time in prison! Mail,steady visits,"you can do this baby girl"! Things I would have never expected.So even though they know all my stupid secrets,they still say that I am a cool daughter because I had no problem being the 1st kiddo to openly talk about any and everything....Sex,drugs,etc....they said my honesty and making them laugh or just simply shocking the s****t out of them has made them love me even more.
Approval from the ppl I love the most DOES mean the world...but not approving of myself Walker is kicking my ass.Yes,your extra long response is freaking me out.But can't you leave me alone with my tears.lollololol??? Must you always make me laugh my ass off.You have a unique way of reminding me of how I USED to laugh off my stupid moves and if nobody laughed with me at my indescretions,then I'd be like: "Fuck Em'"....Example:When ppl called me a prostitute JUST because I was a stripper(back in the day)...I'd just laugh and say "YOUR JUST JEALOUS CUZ YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS KIND OF CASH WITHOUT FUCKING SOMEONE"!and go away laughing all the way to the bank.NOW....I take everything so damn serious.Now BOTH of beautiful girls dance,and its killing me inside.I UNDERSTAND their point for dancing! Lord KNOWS I DO...I'm getting off the subject that strted this rage to wanna be dead,really.But if I could go back to their age,W,I would do exactly what another dancer did.She danced her way through college and has rental houses and real estate all over East Texas....but here I am,in between disability,and waiting on their answer and doing nothing and I feel fucking ass useless!!!Dammit,I NEVER want my girls' to feel this way.I already have my youngest one doing something I NEVER DONE.She's smoking something called "wet".Its something like dipping weed into embalming(sp) fluid! Its like playing fucking russian roulette!
So I just felt like hell was coming at me from both endes and my hands are tied!
Crap,I'm fucking blogging in the comment section.Oh well.I think I'll make my own rules.It's MY blog,right.So FK it,huh?
Yea,Walker,my dam DID bust,You have a way with words that puts things exactly the way they are.It's as if your saying you've had the SAME kind of days or weeks.
I suppose I have always liked things orderly,and when a monkey wrench gets thrown and my shit gets all OUT of order,I get crazy and do some real stupid shit that makes me feel even MORE guilty.
Gona shut my pie hole.I guess I'm glad I didn't toss this computer in the back yard like I wanted to.Otherwise I wouldnt have read all the love I see here.
Closing this chapter of my sometimes pissy life.
Thanks ya'll.I took each thing to heart.Thanks Walker for being YOU.

LINDY--
Heavens no.You haven't done anything to offend me my friend.When I commented about my silly jealousy cuz you stopped swinging by and seeing you all over other blogs,I wasn't mad.Just being childishly jealous...but not angry.hugggggs; September 21, 2009 at 4:52 AM
Monogram Queen said...: No you sound like a person who is going through some bad sh*t. Hang in there girl, I know you are a good person from reading you all these years. Hang in there!; September 21, 2009 at 7:48 AM
nachtwache said...: Emotional hurt is the very worst! Hurting about our children is the worst of the worst.
That's when the only place to turn to is God. If you'll let Him, He'll comfort you.
Kids, eh? I'll be praying for you all.
Big hug and nice of you to drop by and leave such a nice comment.; September 21, 2009 at 3:57 PM
Walker said...: FUCK!!!!!!!!
Tammi go kick her ass.
Wet is made from soaking pot with embalming fluid.
WTF are people thinking
This is the govt problem they are cracking down on the wrong god damn things and letting this shit slip between their fingers; September 21, 2009 at 5:17 PM
Lindy said...: hugs tammi.; September 21, 2009 at 9:15 PM
Bill said...: Hope you are feeling better after yesterday. Tried to call I will try again tommorow sweetheart. Huggggggggs and Kisssses my darling.; September 21, 2009 at 10:22 PM
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