I usually keep my thoughts pretty simple when I blog...cuz Lord knows if people really knew what ran through my head sometimes,it might freak some out!lol
But here's a subject that came up at work recently(among us girls,that is)...and everyone was just rolling on the floor laughing...and I really didn't think it was so friggin' funny.
The guy I mentioned a while back that I met and dated for a short time really did something that I'm STILL not for sure if he done this on purpose or if it REALLY was an accident(or so HE says)!
Ok,as you know I don't usually air my dirty laundry,as far as bedroom activities go anyways,but Mr.J and I were getting busy(the "J" stands for jackass btw) since I never called him by name,and btw,could care less if your reading this now J-Man!!
But here's the deal...him and I were "getting busy" and yea sparks were flying,everything was going perfect sexually!! Then all of a sudden I felt this sharp pain and literally lost my damn breath as if someone kicked me in the stomach!! Then it dawned on me this jerk had missed and rammed me in the a** with what felt like an entire baseball bat! I could hardly even get the words out "GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME"!! Cuz I could barely breathe! I pushed him back and painfully rolled off the side of the bed,and was walking on my tiptoes trying to catch my damn breath! I can't say he was "well endowed",but nor was he a vienna sausage either! And for f***'s sake I KNOW I'm no ocean-hole(I can't believe I'm even talking about this)...but I have serious issues with this subject.HOW in the hell can someone actually say they did that on accident! He was steadily saying "I'm sooooo sorry Tam"!! When I could FINALLY get something out of my mouth other than stuff like "OUCH you son-of-a-b***",I told him to get the hell out of my house and NOWWWWW!!! Dammit,for a few days I couldn't even use the bathroom right,and without pain.One of my co-workers says she does that sort of thing all the time.Ohh-ma-gosh! I just think of it and I cringe.She says she loves it.UUUGH!!
This peckerwood was already on my last nerve,and basically that incident was the iceing on the cake.I ignored all his apologies on my machine,text messages,and even told him that we just don't jive! He keeps thinking it's b/c of his "so-called" slip-and-miss....and yes that's ONE reason,but I keep telling him it's more than JUST that.IMaybe I'm being too picky,but the fact that he kept farting with me in the room...AND the damn car,just really steps on my last nerve.
I wonder if I'm being silly about this....but the whole 8-plus years with Ray,he NEVER broke wind in my presence! I DID catch him farting big time in his sleep...and of course I would wake him up laughing my ass off...and he would deny it (as if he knew whether he did it in his sleep or not)LOL
I guess that's just a pet peave.Like once a while back,I went on a first date with this guy.We left his truck and went in my car to go out to eat,and we barely got down the road when he sorta half-lifted his ass and ripped a big one and said "OOPS,stepped on a frog"!! Believe it or not,I did a u-turn in the road right then and there and took him back to his truck with him begging me to forgive him,while laughing at the same time,which made me even madder.He thought I was kidding until I actually reached over and shut his door after he got out and drove off.Ok--so maybe I'm an asshole.But that's the way it is.
My co-worker said I over reacted about Mr.J and his slip and miss......but SHE wasn't there and got HER breath knocked out of her like a horse kick in the stomach!!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
First Naughty Post...my bad
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12 comments:
HA HAAAAAAAAA FIRST!!!
I've had a few "slip and miss" moments but you know those moments if the dude is also going "Oh fuck, owowowowowow. You Okay? I think I just broke my dick." If he's in pain with you, it was an accident. If not...then you just got the old battering ram.
I think the funniest thing that ever happened to me post slip and miss was when I got asked, "Don't you types usually knock and announce a search warrant before you ram any back doors?"
Very funny. Yes, men can slip and hit the ass if you going at it hot and heavy. Think about it, both hole are so close it easily happens. Yes, lots of people really enjoy anal. In the beginning you have go very slow with lots of lube.
IMO, you made too much fuss about the dick slip.
WARNING: The following is maybe TMI for you.
Farting? Everyone does it. It's impossible not to in the presence of others. The mistake the guy made, was flaunting it. Me and Lori do it around each other all the time. It's really no big deal. Then again, they almost never smell or maybe that would be another story.
LORD GEN--
Yea RIGHT! I think that "OWOWOWOW" stuff is just a way of trying to smooth over the excruciating pain that was just forced on another person.Inside your saying "HAHAHA,I got another poor sucker"!
And you bet your ass(ummm...so to speak)...the next time the dude BETTER have a search warrant,and then I'll still demand more proof"!
I used to say I would TRY it if I ever got married again...now I have second thoughts....about BOTH!! Marriage AND the booty thing!
I cringe when I think of that now!
I have never had this happen but I think I would be just as upset as you.. I dont blame you one bit for telling him to go some place else..
Tami, honestly if it's a deal-breaker for you (farting) then there is nothing wrong with it. We each have things that bug us to a certain extent. Farting doesn't bother me, I find it gross but not a deal-breaker.
The "slip", I am going to agree to disagree with those that call "accident". Um, I find more often than not it's an "on purpose accident" because that person wishes to have that type of sexual activity and is trying to either 1)feel his way or 2) be sneaky about it and just do it.
Personally i've come to find if you take BT Expresses advice anal can feel good :) Bet you never thought i'd be saying THAT in public did you?
Wow, that was a really shitty experience.....HA HA HA
Ok it's not so funny, I sat on a picket fence once and it was never the same again so my father had to buy a new fence.
I have done it by accident but I usually figure I missed when she is bites my nose off.
I can’t say I don’t do it that way when asked or accepted but its not usually WHAM BAM WHOOO HOOO THANK YOU MAM.
You think he would try and start ringing your bell before banging the bong.
But this post only proves one thing.
You got a tight little ass and you could still dance ;)
You know, if you would have farted you may have blown his balls off HA HA HA
Happy Easter :)
Walker cracks me up! I had one boyfriend who, thankfully, wasn't that big, but I didn't enjoy it and wouldn't do it again. Now I'm with someone who slipped once and he's big and it hurt like bloody hell. No way, no how. For me that's a one way street. Farting, well, at least at the start it would be polite to suppress it. After years of being together, it's different, you get to know each other and tolerate some things.
Ray might not have farted in front of you, but he did way worse.
I guess you really weren't that crazy about the Farter. :)
Walker--Funny place to put "Happy Easter" after being rammed with what felt like a utility pole!hahahaha
Kidding---ummm...about "where" you put the comment.
But not about the pole.LOL
Thanks W.
hug-hug
Nachtwache--
Why does it seem so hard to spell your screename?lol
German?
Hmmm...must go check your site.
I know what u mean though...Walkers prior comment had me rolling.He always does. ;-}
I "DO" see couples that have been together for a while tell each other stuff like"pull my finger"...and it cracks me up.But I'm just funny about meeting someone and the guy just thinks it's cool to"funk" up my car with got-awful smells like a nasty "stankee" fart.I guess Ray and I thought so much alike though that,I never even TOLD him not to break wind in front of me.
Speak of the devil....he JUST called as I was typing this..wierd,huh?
What, is Ray still wanting you to go back? The nerve to even call after what he did. He really needs to get his head examined!
Have you told him he needs help?
Oh right, yes, it's German. It means 'nightwatch' and sort of fits, since I work nights.
It's tough to get a name that isn't taken already.
I'm originally from the German speaking part in Switzerland.
You're really sweet too!
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