If it ain't ONE thing...it's ANOTHER...
As you can see in the pic,my "X" got me pretty good.But from what I here,his eye is swollen shut.I had on a mini with boots on...and after I got hit a few times
The bastard stabbed me in my leg with some sort of tool,and it's freakin deep.Not wide.but just deep,so I have a limp.I TRIED covering my upper lip with makeup,but I guess from seeing the pic,it couldn't cover it enough.I have knots all over my head,alot of hair pulled out,the ugly black eye,and bruises all over.
All I wanted to do was talk to him and try and maybe work things out.When I decided I didn't like what I was hearing,I tried to leave.BIG NO-NO!!
PLEASE,I'm NOT asking for any sympathy...I don't even deserve that.I knew better than to be there.I just want to look back on this and keep telling myself "THIS IS WHY I GOTTA STAY AWAY"!!Sheesh! My upper lip looks awful,but a full frontal pic looks really horrid,so I decided to not post the worste angle.I look uglier than THIS..DAMN! I'm so stupid to actually think things would be any different!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Another A*** Kickin'
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34 comments:
who did this to you?
Good Lord, Tammi ! I'm thankful you're not hurt worse, even tho this is horrible enough! Yes, please stay away from this guy. I hope your leg gets better real soon, and your heart heals too :( *major hugs from letti & junior )
WTF are you going to see an asshole like that for?!
I don't know what the hell you think he is but he sure as hell shouldn't be with any woman.
Maybe in jail getting his ass jammed by Bubba and the rest of the Bubbas.
Get some ice on that eye and the leg looked at.
I don't know what you ever saw in him, honestly I don't.
Tammi men like this dont change for anyone or anything. I am sorry but I am a realist when it comes to men beating on women and I hate when men do that. I have never been in that situation but those are my beliefs 100 percent. Just like abortion and such. My beliefs are strong and I wish I could get my hands on him for you. Or my husband could because I would more than likely end up as bruised as you are.. Give us an update when you feel better. Hugs Tweets...
Tammi please learn from this lesson and stay the f*ck away from that guy. You don't deserve any of that. I am so sorry.
You are not stupid! You are a wonderful woman who was hoping for a different ending this time.
It seems no matter who you are, and how smart you are, in these domestic type of matters it's not your brain that is guiding you ~~ it's your heart.
Of course you KNEW better, but your heart probably hoped that you were wrong.
I wish you a speedy recovery, and I want you to know you have your own support group here in blogland, that cares about you.
I am also very sorry to read about your roomate :-(
Tammi,
Do yourself a huge favor, there's a link on my blog to The Contemporary Fighting Arts website, go there, grab some material to study. If you need any help, I'm here through phone or email or you can reach me on the forum.
Trust me, the DVD called Rat Packed saved my ass at work a week ago.
I know you're waiting for me to say "I told you so" but today, I don't want to.
I appreciate everyone's concern,but Letti,Walker,Mon.Q,Dj Genocyde...you all know that I have been playing with fire with him for nearly 9 years now...so maybe I ought to have my a*** beat.It may not seem right,but I knew what I was dealing w/ when I went there.
I'm more mad at myself than anybody right now.
Tweety,most people say guys like him won't fight another man,but that isn't the issue.I've seen him nearly kill a few guys...but WHY in the heck won't THEY call the police on him?Cuz if I do,and he gets out,my ass would REALLY be grass.
I right clicked on the picture and I can clearly see my upper lip when the picture on the screen is much bigger.It seems like it's taking forever to heal,and Ohhhhh so embarrassing trying to lie about it at work.They look at me like"Yea right...boxes don't fall on your head and do that kind of damage to your lip.
But you have to admit...I am a dumbass for expecting him to be ANY different.
Tammi I am a new friend and I dont usually give my opinions until I know some one better but please try and stay away if this is what happens. He is one of those men that plays with fire and doesnt change for anyone from what I am reading and I dont want to lose a new friend because he ex got ahold of her and beat the life out of her. I rather enjoy checking up on you life.
How the hell can you even think that you "...ought to have my a*** beat"? I don't care what happened, no man should touch a woman like that. Your not at fault, he is. Never ever contact this dirt bag again. Next time it could be your last.
Ok!!! Thats the last straw from that asswipe. I want your address cos I'm sending some VERY BIG MEN out your way to open a can of whoopass all over him. No woman, ever, deserves that kind of treatment.
BtExpress,
I guess that does sound sorta lame saying I ought to have my ass beat....but what I don't understand is HOW could he have been so perfect for the first few years and turn into such an ass the last few?
Since we've been split up,I've been out w/ some really nice guys,but for some ignorant reason I want them to have all the GOOD qualities my X had---minus the drinking smartass he became.I truly want to forget him and move on,but I keep friggin comparing EVERYONE to him....?
Tweetey30--
That is sooo sweet.I got a bit blurry eyed thinking it's obvious that people(such as you)that I have never physically met---seem to care more for me than someone that I've known for 9 years.Or at least I THOUGHT I knew him.
Thanks so much for giving a %#@*&
what happens to a silly ditz like me.
what a dick.
It doesn't matter what good qualities your ex had, his beating you over rides everything. Then he stabbed you! He's frigging dangerous!
i want to fucking KILL him
I have to concur with BTExpress, his good qualities went out the window a long damn time ago.
Like I said, if he pulls a gun on you during an argument, it's a big ol' damn neon sign that says "I'm a dangerous douche ex machina."
I'd say that beating (which you didn't deserve, no matter how you look at it) combined with the stabbing means only one big thing. The next time you try working things out with him, the only thing that might get worked out are funeral arrangements for you. Lose his number, forget he exists, Go snag a Kubotan for your keyring and a Yawara Stick for your purse (Cold Steel Koga SD1 HIGHLY Recommended) and then head to that site from my blog and snag a copy of the Kubotans and Yawaras: A Quick And Dirty Guide.
Next time you think about meeting up with him, give me a call. I'll help you get your mind on the straight and narrow.
BTW, one more thing. Yes, Kubotans and Yawara sticks are weapons. Guess what? They're not regulated and even YOU can own and operate one. It's not a firearm...it's a tiny stick! But you won't believe the damage they can do.
Next time, HE will be the one getting the ass kicking.
Girl Rants--
I's say if I had to describe him in ONE word....I think YOU nailed the one word description..."DICK"!!
You must know him pesonally.
But the thing is...I feel like a BIGGER dick for even THINKING I could believe his boo-hoo'ing to get me to come back over there.Damn-it,he sounded so FOR REAL this time.Shit, "I" even caught myself apologizing to him JUST to get him to stop hitting me...NOW I STILL feel like a dumbass...cuz he would say "don't try and play that I'M SORRY game with me bitch"....for FK's sake! I just wanted OUT THE DAMN DOOR.
My lip is healing faster than I thought tho...but my damn leg is puffed up where he got me with that tool thingy..HOW could I have EVER loved him SOOOOO much.How come he was prince fk'ing charming for sooo long,then it's like overnight,I woke up with the devil?
Well...one thing I DO know that changed him was EVERYTIME he started drinking,which he didn't do so much when we met....but the last few years I think alcahol fueled soooo much anger in him,that I SWEAR I didn't know WHO I was dealing with anymore.
Yes,I know...this should be an open and shut case,and I should just shut up and move on....but HOW??? I can just see my future...an old woman in 20-30 years...if he don't kill me first.
And hellll NO,I won't be back for more.My job already told him a long time ago,they were gona call the police if he came back up there.
DJ Gen--
Had to hit send,as I noticed myself rambling on and on...."woe is me"....sorry if it sounds that way,cuz I know "I PUT MYSELF IN THAT SITUATION".
You and I BOTH know...I KNEW better DJ.If I used your prison guard moves or those weapons on anybody and don't get the job done the FIRST time,with someone like HIM,I'd be pushing up daisey's...and THAT.my dear,I'm 100 percent SURE of.Once I tried wielding a big kitchen knife at him backing up to get out the door and he tackled me and pushed it so hard against my throat it left an awful place on my neck for a long time.I even thought my throat was cut.
So I'm sure your vsaying.."dumbass...why in the FK did you go back"?
DJ--you and I BOTH know I have been no perfect angel in my shitty past....in fact,I was an idiot.I changed.So I KNOW other people can change.So I TRY to give him a little credit...he WAS a GOOD guy.WTF happened? And WHY the FK do I keep looking for HIS good qualities in other innocent people?
If I were double jointed,I'd kick my OWN ass right now.
oh i forgot...i got some friends in brooklyn that would LOVE to meet him :)
He will get his here or in the ever after... and if karma gets involved, he will get it in both! You take care of yourself.
Not limping as much today...the only thing I can't seem to get rid of is this ugly green/red/yellow/purple/blue--black eye.
Why do they refer to these as "black" eyes anyways? It's more than just ONE friggin color.
Will post update pic today...I'm SO looking better than before.At least my lip and leg are better.It's my rainbow eye that is hard to hide.
UuGH!
I ditto BTE's comments. His beating you overrides everything else.
I wonder if there are REALLY men out there that have been with a woman more than.....say like....maybe 5 years or more,without kicking her ass at some point or another.
Maybe I should delete this...cuz I'm sure there are men out there like that.Duhhhh...
But when I was younger,I had a REALLY smart mouth,and MAYBE sometimes I could see getting the %$#@ knocked out of me....but just saying "I gotta go,I can't deal with this"....got me put in the hospital with my X.......so WHY in God's name do I miss so many GOOD things about him? I'm not saying I'll be back for more of his shit...I'm just saying....it's wierd....it almost feels like he cares more for me than anybody else has.Yea,he's a peckerwood,but he has cried REAL tears when I said I couldn't go back to him.He says things like he'll kill his OWN self...and once I thought he was gona do it.Cept' he had me on my cell going down the road and was gget the police to stop him and draw a gun on them so that THEY would shoot him instead of killing HIMSELF.
When he told me a cop was behind him,I got on my home phone and called 911---and the dispatch said that there was NOBODY getting pulled over w/ his make & model truck.What a scam.I fell for it.
I feel like I'm STILL falling for his scams.Damn-it.
The thing that is bothering me the most..is moving on.I can't seem to accept really nice guys.I'm not rude,I'm just wishing I could have more interest in someone else,cuz I'm the 1st to admit...I LIKE having another half.I feel so alone even around a bunch of people,cuz I can't seem to "get into" the way other people act.I feel like sometimes they are full of crap feeding me all those lines of crap like "your so fine",or "I'd treat you like a queen"....blah...blah...blah...you know the lines of bull.I'm no spring fking chicken,and I know this.But at the same time..I HATE being alone.
Maybe HE'S not the one that needs help.I think I need a head doctor...yea,I really think so!!!
CRAP!!!
Booo-hooooo-hooo!
Time to get my worrysome ass off this post and move the crap ahead...
FK! Now what?
I saw your comment on Walker's blog, about 'falling into a fist'.
I guess you know you deserve better and all that... one of my friends lost her other half. She had a rough time, missing him, being lonely, but he's gone. What I told her, might help you, stick with friends for now. Your soul needs healing. Do things with friends, talk to them, blog, phone, whatever you need. I hope you have a good friend or two who's shoulder you can cry on.
Alcohol has destroyed so many lives, often alcoholics are actually depressed and should be on medication. Men often display depression with anger. That does not in any way excuse what he did to you. He should be charged!
Get counseling for yourself. What you did, going back, hoping against hope is very normal. Many spouses do the same thing, over and over. You need counseling to take care of you!
Go have fun with friends!!!
Nachtwache--
I'm a tad bit blurry eyed.Cuz you are SO RIGHT.I feel like I DO ned counseling...SOMETHING!!??
But when I DO try and talk to my friends n family..they pretty much get on my a** for going back around him,so I've been basically staying away from certain people(like my kids)till I look a bit better...cuz even today after I tanned and put makeup on,my daughter STILL freaked.Sure,she wants to kill him,but hearing her say"WHY DID U GO MOM"?? Danng,thats really hard to explain.Especially when she's seen so much between him and I. I even promised her before I wouldn't go back around him.So I still feel like the dumbass ONCE AGAIN.It hurts my kids to have to see this shit...I think maybe counseling wouldn't hurt...not near as much as his punches.
People close to you react in anger and frustration because they want to see you safe and I guess hope to help you stay away, but only you can make that decision.
Counseling would give you a person to talk to that should not be judging you for your choices, but support and encourage you to make better choices. Help you to make the changes you need to avoid getting hurt.
Your ex obviously isn't in any shape to be in a relationship until he deals with his demons, goes to AA or some sort of alcohol counseling, deals with his depression or whatever the doctor finds is driving him to behave in unacceptable ways. 'Till then he's no good to himself or anyone else. He's trying to control things outside of his control, by violence and intimidation. He needs to learn to control himself. That's all anyone can control.
As I wrote before, you're not alone in this, people keep hoping and going back. Some people end up dead that way, so you don't want to let it get to that.
I see you also just lost your roommate.
When it rains it pours. So sorry about that.
That's a lot of losses to face.
I sure hope you find support and understanding. There's got to be something for battered women or even grief counseling, because you're grieving the man that's gone.
Allow yourself to cry when you need to and laugh every chance you can.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!
Nachtwache--
I think I'm totally cried out.I keep saying "mooove on Tammi"...but HOW?
Ok-so I'll be the 1st to admit,something MUST be wrong with ME.WHY am I even stressing over him? Why do I expect things to be different?
You nailed that word."CONTROL"..he controls who I see,talk to,what I do,what I wear,when I sleep,even eat...so WTF?
WHY can't I keep my BAD LIST in hand? But dammit,when he's a good guy..he's the BEST.
But do I have to be miserable to wait on the good?
I'm hearing you though...I plan on calling someone in the a.m.
He keeps calling me,and I have a hard time hanging up.
I know...duhhhhh,right?
"I wonder if there are REALLY men out there that have been with a woman more than.....say like....maybe 5 years or more,without kicking her ass at some point or another."
Tammi, i've been with david for almost 6 years, and he has NEVER EVER hit me, or even try to bully me in any way whatsoever. Just plenty of tenderness, love, security and assurance. The only way he kicks my ass is intellectually ( LOL ) although he claims it is the other way around :) Don't let bad experiences jade you. There are plenty of WONDERFUL, AMAZING men out there dreaming of discovering you :)
Abusive men are very much the minority. I was married for 34 and years never hit my wife. I did get angry and curse sometimes, but never even called her derogatory names.
I hope that sooner than later, you wake up and realise that you're better than this. That you can leave if you want to, that you don't have to be a punching bag for him.
Despite what anyone says here, it's useless until you believe it.
We make our choices and have to live with the consequences.
I hope, for the sake of your girls (and other women around you) that you make better choices soon.
Tammi my mom and dad have been together for 53 yrs and have never fist fight or anything physical so if your with the right person that will happen for you too. You definetly need to stay away from this guy or you could wind up in a coffin way before your time and then what would your children say?
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