Why am I such a screw up?
I just wanna move out of the country...but the problem is...I can't run from myself.FUCK.WHEREVER I AM....I'M THERE TOO.If that makes sense.
DAMMMITTTT TAMMMMMMI!!!!!TOO STUPID 2 EVN POST THE BUSSHIT!!
EDIT EDIT EDIT: Since my poor-friggin-me day (ABOVE)YES,I Went out and got drunk in this and danced like I was back on stage again.But all the attention from MALES AND FEMALES felt great.I needed that boost.Yes,I oughta be staying at home licking my wounds but going out and hearing that I'm sexy alot,even if alot of ppl were DRUNK...Screw it...it made me feel much better.I took this when I got home,and since I done sooo much body rollin and dirty dancing I worked up a serious sweat and my hair was nothing like when I left here...so I left THAT out.lol
I was dancing and my mini jumped up to my waiste...hahahah...good thing I was wearing a cool ass G-string I guess.lol...and NO that pic won't be posted..hahahahahahaha...BUT as you see I was a good girl and didn't bring anyone home or go shack up....THAT makes me feel good about myself.NOT that I didn't want to or didn't have offers for geez sake...I just wanna save it for someone I know more about.Course I did see alot of ppl I know...but nahhhh....I was a good girl.See the time?I'm home alone...Lonely as hell,but I didn't go out to get laid.
Friday, November 14, 2008
BORN A F****-UP!!!
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22 comments:
Tammi, it can't be that bad! we've been with you through some pretty messed up situations & always support you. Just talk it out sweetie! It can't be that bad!
Oh sweetheart, you may feel this way at this moment, but it doesn't mean you'll KEEP feeling like this forever.
YOU know you don't want the 'old' Tammi to slip back in, that's the biggest hurdle isn't it? KNOWING to put the past behind you and knowing what is right for YOU. Perhaps this is merely a setback, but one that can be overcome and have you keep going forward. Possibly a step in the wrong direction, but nothing you can't remedy by getting back on the path you WANT to be on.
I don't know what has happened that has you feeling this way, but I know you can overcome it, because you've done so before. It's ok to slip up occasionally, but it's MORE ok because you KNOW you slipped up.
God I hope I'm making some sense. Regardless of whether I'm talking crap or not, please know that I'm thinking of you heaps and hoping you'll come through this.
*hugs*
Bah, there is nothing wrong with screwing up once in a why, it’s part of the learning process and part of being human.
The old Tammi was never gone because there was never an old Tammi, she is still young getting older.
There are old habits that creep up and people who bring out the wrong side of Tammi but there is no Ms. Hyde to run from.
I think the past few years proves that you are on t he right track but if you want to beat yourself up for one fuck up the least you can do is let me spank you.
We can have a contest and the winner gets to spank you: how’s that?
Anyone who says they have never fucked up at least once is a liar and I bet most people fuck up more than once.
So the way I see it is, is that you are as normal as the rest of us but keep the spanking thing in mind. ;)
I'm sorry you feel that way. I do understand, sometimes I feel the same way. One day things will be great, then one thing will happen and I'll want to escape life. I think the world would be better off if I were dead.
Think of your slogan: 'Not perfect, just forgiven.'
Give yourself a break. People make mistakes, god will forgive. Let your 'higher power' take your pain.
Most importantly, 'this too shall pass'.
I wnat to go from comment to comment/person 2 person,but I'd be writing all night and I decided to go fuckin get drunk.Bar hop....would that change anything?F**** NO,but I got a badasss mini and blouse and I actually have tits since I gained a few lbs,and I got CLEAVAGE! Can u believe.???? I BET NOT...PIX WILL PROVE IT NON BELIEVERS!hahhahahah
Thank ya'll so much for your precious words of encouragement.I cried reading these.
I have to say.I have some of the coolest blog-buds a blogger broad can have!!!
"Normal" people do not understand.
"We" are NOT normal.
Don't get drunk...think it through and play the entire movie.
You're one strong woman, Tammi, and we all know that. All of us have our ups and downs, and you ALWAYS spring back up. You've proven time and again that you're made up of some super strong stuff and once you've ridden this bad bump out, you're going to be on top of the world again :) *hugs*
Sit down, take a deep breath. It will be okay. I'm the praying type and i'll pray for you honey.
I DO know I really had no business even drinking tonight...but ya'lll.....I had a BLASSSSST!!!!!!!
I want to move on and away from my poor me post here but I can't believe how Freakin STUPID I was.I explained TOO MUCH and removed that comment cuz that was a bit too mcuh info.I know I've been drinking and I don't need the world to know all the dumba*** details.Of course personal emails are OK,but not for my job and stuff to hear about.
That's great you went out and had a nice time dancing with friends and forgot about....I forgot.
Maybe you did too.
Wearing yourself out on the dance floor is the best way to help purge some of the evil shit you got bottle up inside.
Not to mention help tighten up the ass end some.
So ummm, where's the cleavage.
That picture is OK for butt people but I'm a titty kinda guy so lets go.
You said you had some cleavage to flaunt when you went out.
Just raise the picture a bit more. ;)
Get some rest now and a new fresh weeks starts tomorrow.
You sound like so many of the people that I went to Weight Watchers with years ago. They stick to the plan, loose a lot of weight and everything is going great. Then one day they blow it, big time. Like they eat a whole pie or go on vacation and go wild eating and drinking everything in site. Then they feel like crap that they let themselves down and beat themselves up like your doing.
Some people just say "screw it" and throw away all the progress they've made. While others admit that nobody is perfect and get back on plan and move on stronger than ever.
Which one are you going be? It's all up to you.
WALKER:
Did u forget what tonight is??LOL
My reunion at Time Out Gentleman's Club.I HAVE to go cuz they blew all of us original dancers 8x10 pictures to a larger size and I HAVE to go.I'm dissappointed that I'm not the 114 lbs that I was back then nor is my tan dark enuff, but I don't really care as much as I thought that I would because people kept swearing that I look like 30-36-37 and I'm just glad that I am healthy and not as skinny as I was then.When I look at pictures of me and video's I was so skinny at one point,my damn stomach sucked inward like an Etheopian,and I looked unhealthy I think.Besides,I seen 2 other of my really good friends/dancers at Sonic one night and holy cow,one of them looked like she was 50 plus and scarey...and back then she was just SEXY.Besides guys like a lil booty...chicks do too.LOL
I may not have a tummy,but my a*** is lg enough that I think someone is stalking me & it;'s just that extra ass back there.hahaha
Yea,I may post the blose w/ the bit of cleavage I'm so proud of cuz once I ever get tiny again,I'm titless.Shux,can't have it all.LOL
Dannnnng it.I lost my voice last night and I can barely squeek anything out of my mouth.I've tried tea,honey...what else can I do? I NEED my voice tonight.It's gona be soooooo fun to see our old crew.
I loved working there cuz on our Friday night meetings w/ our boss(mOm n Dad..we call em')...Dad would ALWAYZZZ say...just like this...#1."IF I CATCH WIND OF ANYONE OF U FUCKING GIRLS TELLING MEN U WILL MEET THEM WHEN THE CLUB CLOSES FOR EXTRA MONEY.....THEN GET THE FUCK UP OUT OF MY PLACE OF BUSINESS"...#2,IF U LET A MAN TOUCH U OR U TOUCH HIM YOU GET ESCORTED OUT OF HERE AND TAKE YOUR PROSTITUTING ELSEWHERE"...NOOOO JOKE.
I LOVED THAT B/C WE WERE NOTHING BUT VISUAL ENTERTAINMENT,COUNSELORS,MARRIAGE COUNSELORS,and made a fortune.
When I worked in Dallas a few times,one time I seen a girl giving a BJ in the back corner which is exactly what gave us legit dancers a BAD name.
I'm NOT saying it was all morally RIGHT...but Time Out demanded respect for us girls,so I still don't regret doing it.In fact it gave me a big head. and a fat pocket
Oh Tammi, we're all human and have some not-so-good days. Hope your days turn to being much better!
Not justifying stripping for non believers,cuz I really never cared what ppl thought.They just wished they could make $600-$2000 a night.LOL...But I'm just so excited to go back after several years and none of us except the few chicks that got fired for crotch dancing. are ashamed of such a great job.
PBS~~Ohh thanks.It's good to see you online hun.
crap.one mo thing.I got a tad tipsey and almost made a dumbass run back across town.WHY AM I ASKING 4 FUCKIN MORE SHIT??
Had a great time and almost pulled another Tammi.
I never meant to compare your problems with the people that I mentioned at Weight Watchers. I just wanted you to see that even if you screwed up, you shouldn't give up trying and put it past you then get back on track. We all "fall off the wagon" once in a while.
I could've sworn I commented more than once in here, how odd.
Anyway, it sounds like you enjoyed yourself and are looking forward to enjoying yourself again! Great stuff, keep that spirit up :)
Sometimes you've got to let loose. You can't lock yourself up all the time. If dancing like that is something you enjoy and are good at then every now and then it's going to come out. Don't beat yourself up. Sometimes we take these things too seriously.
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