I planned on spending my 2 days off at the lake...BUT...Rayven said she was gona come get A'million yesterday in the a.m.,and got here at 5....she had to go to the doctor and get meds for a kidney infection.So...so much for that day.Today it looks like it's gona rain....so if it doesn't start lightening,I'll go to the tanning salon.I'd much rather be floating out on my float w/ a beer and a book enjoying the REAL sunshine.Maybe it's just really cloudy this morning.The pool at work is nasty as h*** right now,and not even open or I'd go there.That is...if it doesn't rain!It's supposed to already be opened.Alright J,get on your J-O-B dude! :-}
Holy shite! Guess who's blowing my cell and home phone up? None other than Ray himself.Talking about..."come home" You would think in 8 years of being w/ each other and a year of seperation,things would change.NOT!!! OK,so I DID go back for one night.I have to admit though...one night of pleasure(and I DO mean pleasure) doesn't mean that I have the nerve to go back to 24-7 argueing,insults,accusations and jealous rages.But DAMMIT it's so confusing to me.I still love him.I love the really sweet side he's got.But the really cruel side is still there.It clicked on me as I was leaving and he mentioned that I "WILL definately be quitting my job when I come home"...that's pretty much all I needed to hear.Damn.Same ol' Ray.Bossy and won't take no for an answer.So I just pulled off thinking: Yea, right.I'd be a fool to go back to being told when and where I can do anything.I couldn't even think for myself.He did the thinking for both of us in EVERY situation.So why why why do I still love him so much?You would think after a few years and a few dates,that my feelings for him would fizzle out.Instead I don't give anyone a chance.I compare everyone to him,and nobody measures up.It's not as if Ray is always a dickhead.He has a really sweet fun side that I can't seem to find in anyone else.No matter how hard I try.
Oh what a tangled....screwed up web I weave.LOL
Time to go see how "normal" people live.(my faves of course)
Thursday, May 29, 2008
WHAT A DRAG!
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15 comments:
Sorry to read that things didn't work out as well as you'd have like them to with your "new" man. I think that Ray is somewhat of a safety net for you in some ways really...when you're maybe feeling a bit down, or unloved, he's there to pick up the slack, so to speak. Do you know what I mean? I've been there, and I didn't even get to HAVE my 'safety net' in person lol.
There is always a lovely, sweet side in any man/woman, but just remember, that even murderers have a sweet side to them. well you know what I mean. Ray is always going to be a part of your heart, after all the years of ups and downs and life changes that the two of you have been through, it's only natural. You both know each other so well. Although I do believe HE's having some trouble trying to figure out the "new" you. Keep strong...you KNOW you deserve to have a say in what you do with your life...you're more than capable of making your own decisions.
Just my opinion of course. *hugs*
Hey sh*t happens and plans change but the good news is you will get to go to the beach soon enough and you could lay out in the sun topless catching a tan.
Just remember to flip yourself over to get the buns warmed up to ;)
As long as you keep going back to Ray even for some action you are telling him the door is open and if it’s something new you are looking for especially in a man then you may have to stop it altogether before you do find someone and Ray ruins the new relationship.
You can’t bring something new in your life if there is baggage blocking the door.
Tam, I'm sorry but in my opinion you need to give up the ghost with Ray. He's bad news for you & you know it. I understand its easier to go back to something tangible rather than hang on for a dream but you deserve a lot better than Ray. Hang in there girlfriend & be strong.
I'll give you a little insight on most guys out there (male readers will be able to vouch for this). There are only three types of men out there; Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs.
The Sheep will simply back down. They're not really in your way and they're nothing exceptionally spectacular. They're basically doormats. These are the ones that you'd think of in terms of "You know, he really is such a nice guy and all but he's more of a friend. I just think he's too nice."
The Wolves...They'll level a gun at you in the middle of an argument and become abusive, abrasive and won't even so much as agree with someone ELSE's compliment to you let alone give you one of their own. Not only are they abusive but they're also controlling. In a sense, they're weaker than the sheep but they put on one hell of a show to be the predator. In some cases, they'll even become a predator just so they can say to themselves that they were never sheep.
Sheepdogs: They're not perfect. They look a lot like wolves but really, they're not. If your wolf ever showed up and your sheepdog responded as he should, the wolf will run away with his tail tucked between his legs. They're not doormats and they refuse to be, only compromising in positions where it's just the two of you. Outsiders are viewed with suspicion until they prove themselves fellow sheepdogs or simply sheep. Wolves get ejected with a swiftness.
I'd peg Ray to be a definite wolf right out of the gate. He definitely needs to be shown what he is and have it firmly hit home before he can truly deal with anyone in a relationship. About the only thing I can say is, I wish he'd pulled some of the things he did with you with me there. He might have lost some appendages in the process.
If you're wondering whether or not I'm a sheepdog, the answer is no. Make no mistake about it, I am a wolf. Had some of the things he'd done happened in front of me, whether I knew you or not, you may have never met me...you'd have only met the monster.
What Lisa said is dead on...even the most cold-blooded and vicious have a sweet side.
I suppose if it looks like a horse,smells like a horse,and you can put a saddle on it and ride that sucker...IT JUST MIGHT BE A FRIGGIN HORSE,HUH? lol
Yup,I'm hearing pretty much this same thing at work and from everyone that heard I went and spent the night w/ Ray.
My mother called me an idiot.My boss said I must be crazy,and that's pretty much the response I'm getting from everyone else too.
Besides,I doubt everyone wants to hear me back on my blog boo-hoo'ing cuz I got more hair pulled out or another knot,bruise etc...
Now that I think about it....I spent alot of days blogging about leaving him,huh?
Anyways,at least tghis year I got a full tan,instead of having to wear shorts up to my throat and down to my knees....and no he's not religious.LOL...I just couldn't wear a bathing suit or shorts short enough to see any sun.
What was I thinking??
Well, I know what it is that most women really look for. Face it, ladies, you can't help but love dangerous types.
Problem with dangerous types...they're dangerous. They're dangerous, primarily, to you as well.
Sheepdogs are everywhere. You'll know them when you get to know them a little better. They look like wolves but just don't bite on them until you figure out which breed they are.
Go for a sheepdog ladies and you'll realize that dangerous types are overrated.
DJ~
I hear ya.Nice way to sum it up.Since your a "guy" and all...who knows better than another member of the male species....or should I say the animal(beast/sheep in wolves clothing,that is)
and my dearest lovely
LISA~
This is a trait that I really dig about YOU...you know what you want,no if's and or butthole's about it girl.I,on the other hand stay freakin confused about what I REALLY want.Dammit,I want the everyday companionship,but find that the guys that go for me ARE not what's best for me...so yea,in a sense DJ is right.Danger and never knowing what to expect is what I seem to latch onto.Since I KNOW this about "ME",you would think I would knock off the bullshit and stick w/ someone that bends over backwards for me.Sometimes that type of personality wierds me out....I must be crazy.
Yea...I guess I AM crazy.
BTW....I gotta go thru my faves list and delete everyone that has dropped out of blogging,
So if you get deleted,please forgive me,but if your still in the game...let me know and I'll put you back.
Some ppl haven't posted since Jan. and Feb...and I haven't heard from ya.
Hi Honey you are back on the blogroll again, i'll have to catch up on my reading because I have to get to a birthday celebration. Good to be back in touch!
P.S. So glad you are still such a smart cookie re: Ray. It can be so tempting to go back sometimes....
Hey Tam
I am still about, I just updated. Dont get alot of time for blogging but am gonna try and update at least once a week. I was just going through my blogroll and realised I gotta update it too.
Anyway sounds like your in a bit of a situation there. Stay strong hun x x x
Sarah
I'm with DJ on this one...dangerous types are WAY overrated. Sure, it may be a bit of a thrill in the beginning but once that's gone, you're usually left with just an asshole.
That's something I had to LIVE and learn instead of taking someone elses advice about it.
I often say (when I'm pissed off at the PK and I'm mumbling to myself under my breath about him) "God blessed me with an asshole from the moment I was born...what the HELL do I want another one for???"
Hmmm.
Who deleted their own comment?
I didn't.That always messes w/ mt head.LOL!!!
SPELLCHECK---oopsey,I meant to say
"messes w/ MY head"
ya see...it's got me all flustered.(giggle)
when your feeling like you might want to go to this Ray Guy let me know and we can talk I will e-mail you my phone number.
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