I had this image,back when Ray and I were together,that out in the world of "happy people"....that when I split w/ him and his almost 7 years of craziness,that there would be somebody that comes from out of nowhere and says "WHOA!! I Think I like you",and then that friendship progressed to another level....Then eventually I'm back settled...accept THIS TIME: "HAPPY".
WTF?
I meet people,I reject people for whatever reason,I have even accepted a date or 2.It just seems as though the whole world is happy,and while I'm laughing and smiling right along w/ everyone else...deep down: I'm lonely and discouraged.
Ohh crap.I could go back to that same Tammi I once was and tell one guy HE was the ONLY one,but hang up the phone and tell the next guy that "I promise....YOU are the only one".Stringing along #1 Mr.FUN #2 Mr.$$$ #3 Mr.BOTH,and juggle the ride.
I'd like to think that I am better than that these days.I DON'T want that style of life anymore.Can't keep up anyways.No amount of money or JUST FUN replaces the joy of having a one-on-one REAL relationship w/ someone you can trust.I believe Ray was what I call a payback for all the people(or hearts) I juggled back in the day.Granny ALWAYS said,what comes around always goes around.I firmly believe Ray was my punishment for stringing someone along and shewing him off like nothing more than a common fly.
Those were my fast days.My "I-don't-care-days"!
Well,I DO care now......but saying no to people when I KNOW I would be wasteing my time is only saving both of us the trouble in the long run,if that makes any sense.
I'm pouting...I know,and that sucks,But I'm FREAKIN' LONELY and missing having someone on my side.
This is my boo-hoo-WHOA-is-me-post!!
Friday, October 26, 2007
What is taking so long?
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10 comments:
Tamster,
Take it from me. I know where you've been. Difference is, I had a bunch of them but I never told them anything different other than, "we're just having some fun, no strings" and that kinda thing. Seems assholish but it's all true.
Let me tell you, once the well dried up...that was it. Whichever ones I hadn't weeded out for whatever reason were ditching me for dudes from India. Reason? I wasn't "exotic" enough. Damn...born the wrong nationality. I have to admit one thing. I ended up letting myself go over these past couple of years.
Well, recently, even though I've got Misty I've decided to start taking care of myself. Why? Because even though I want NOTHING to do with those that just fucked me off for some other dude over how "exotic" they were, I've pretty much vowed to show them exactly what they COULD have had.
You're discouraged and you're lonely. Hey, I've been there but remember, I still have to move to New Jersey (have to get all my ducks in a row here first) and, until then, I'm still pretty much stuck.
Trust me when I say this. It's not easy, but that's something you already know, but there's still someone out there. Guess what? No guy out there is perfect. Not one. I used to be the guy who looked for women solely on looks and what I found were some of the most repellant personalities on the planet. Not only that but I had a tendency to scare them off. Not everyone can survive a trip through my mind. In the end, I just gave up giving a shit about looks because on top of repellant personalities, stress was also a factor (though I never acted on it, I have to admit jealousy on my part). Now, I look for someone I can talk to. That's where I scored big time. Even without her, I'd still try to be the best I could be physically, mentally and in any other aspects you could probably think of. Why? Well, sometimes you just like to be a living middle finger to all those morons that wanted to be your detractors back then and your best friends now.
Personally, I think any guy who turns you down is a fuckin' idiot.
I'm sorry you're lonely.. :( When I was single, I would cry myself to sleep for nights on end just coz i felt so miserable inside. But hey, keep the Faith, and something beautiful is BOUND to happen for someone as beautiful ( inside and outside ) as you :)
MEGA HUGZZZZZZ
That's right, when all else fails...snuggle a kitten.
*DJ*
*LETTI*-
Thanks for the pep talk.I'll be alright..just wish I had a kitten.My sisters' dogs would eat one. :-{
Hey Tammi, Glad to be back in the inside circle. Thanks for letting me know where to find you. Your 'woe is me' situation is one we've all been in. The worst part about being lonely is you can be with someone & still be lonely. You still have a great advantage over some of us though. You can still take your time & pick Mr. Right. I would suggest you keep busy by engaging in everything going on in your area. Right now halloween is coming up with hayrides & spooky trails. Keep your eyes open cos you never know when Mr. Right will pop up. Even if its from a grave he could be the one.
I concur with Lindy on that one. Never knock reanimated corpses, we can actually be pretty decent once you get over the smell and the slowed rate of decomposition.
*LINDY*
Thanks hun...I really thinking your right about the getting out and about.Today is the company party...WOW! ha ha
and OMG,U should have know you would speak on the graveyard bit D.J....LOL...you tickle me to death.....for lack of better words!! hee hee
PLUS HAS ANYBODY NOTICED MY BLOG CHANGE??COOL,HUH? But Letti,don't I have a better pic than THAT one.LOL
I look like I'm jst TOO FREAKIN happy!!!LOL
The people you are looking at that you see as "Happy People" well a lot of that is deception.
Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination.
~Roy M. Goodman
This isn't your past coming back to bite you. You have grown up. You know more now. You know more about what you want and what you need. The information you have now will make your next relationship a good one and you know it.
I understand lonely and so do you. You have grown and have a greater understanding of what you are looking for. When the potential for the right one comes along you will know it. The man who does find you will be a lucky man indeed.
Hang in there sweetie.
(((((((Hugs))))))))
You need a happy pic on your pic hon, coz that's the way I "sees ya" :)
Her is a tissue for your tears.
You will find the right person in time, there's no rush.
It's better than wasting time with a wanna bes or being lead on by someone only to find out later when alot of time had passed.
Patience it's worth it.
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