DAMIEN*That's too cute."Hi I'm Damien,I'm a Pepsi Addict".....that statement opens a floodgate of memories.I know you are just being your usual silly self...but after being in prison so long,I had a real hard time readjusting to life on the outside.I thought it would be a snap.Nuttin to it,until I was set free in this big huge fast paced world.Good grief,the gas pumps had even turned digital when I was incarcerated and I got out and had to ask a person beside me pumping gas how in the heck do I work this thing?Alot of things had changed whilke I was away.So the first thing I did was race to a meeting.
"Hi,I'm Tammi.I am a recovering alcaholic addict".Of course I'm usually one of those ones that pass when it gets around to me unless I have a burning desire to get something off my chest.I adore any and all people that take that step through an AA or NA meeting door.Whether it's for probation or on your own.Cuz you'll ALWAYS hear something that touches your heart,or makes you laugh,or brings back memories...the good or the bad one's.Just being in a room full of people trying to piece back together their life after drugs or alcahol has taken it's toll on you and everyone around you,is a blessing....big time.I swear,I don't think I would have made it had it not been for the 5 meetings a week I was required to make when I got out of prison.The love and support is hard to even put in words.Some disagree with the A.A. ways....and choose to do it alone.But even though I wasn't using,I needed some kind of stable people in my life that were TRYING to do the right thing and get somewhere.
Anyways...it's only by the Grace of God I'm still here and still hanging on to my sobriety cuz I sure couldn't do it alone.
So my hat goes off to all those that are still staying clean abd sober!!
Saturday, October 14, 2006
That reminds me....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Hey you, how brave and great that is to hear. That is something I will never know or need to worry about. Then my vice is over eating. I guess I should just think of that when I think AA.
You know I never gave the gas pumps a thought. They changed but it was a slow change. I guess being away for a while like that would present certain challanges.
Look how far you have come in a relative short period of time. Good for you.
Don’t sell yourself short.
I bet you could have done it on your own if you had to it.
I never went to AA, I am stubborn in my ways and in everything I do in my life so I stood my ground and went nuts on my own but I do have many friends that went to AA and still do.
I think the biggest asset of AA or AD is that you are with people that understand you and don’t criticize what you done.
To them you are normal like everyone else in the room and being with such people is a big plus.
The people on the outside are the whisperers that don’t understand and judge you for what you did but those at AA won’t.
That is your cure, acceptance of what you did and accepting that you quit.
Fuck the outsiders, what do they know.
You are on the road you want to be and I am proud of you for it.
Now send me some sunshine, it freakin snowed today.
BARMAN*Thanks for noticeing.I still have to keep from getting my ego inflated though,or riding that pink cloud....or I'll slip and fall off the back of the watermelon truck(more Texas talk,I guess)
Some say,hide your ugly past,leave it in the past,Been there.....done that....and I forgot what steel bars,cold meals,above all missing your kids hugs and laughter.So I decided to try to play the "sneaky"game again thinking...well,I learned my lesson,and I JUST WON'T get caught this time.I'll be more cautious.WRONG!Getting locked up sure has a way of messing up a good high.Lots of ppl agree w/ me on that.People that have never been down aren't worried about the cops busting down the door.Whoop-tee-doo.They'll just get probation.But repeat offenders such as myself will get the book thrown at you,and back in that tiny cold stinky jail you go.
It took a few times bumping my head ....but PTL,B-Man,I'm free.When I get asked to show my drivers license I flash them like I have a winning lottery ticket.No warrants here big daddy!
I DID slip and fall once since 2000 when I was released from prison.But I had to STOP and think,and after beating myself up over and over for it and riding the guilt train for sooo long...I decided.Hey!It didn't take me over 30 years to get THIS stupid,and it's gona take some hard work to get myself right in the head.That slip happened a while back,and I haven't come close since then.I see a trigger,and I run like Forest Gump.
Hope this helps somebody struggling w/ probation or parole.I FINALLY after all these years realized this much: It's almost elementary.Just follow what's on those papers that the state gives you.Don't do this....don't do that.....Do THIS,or DO THAT....and you've got it going on.Piece-a-cake.Just follow the guidelines on paper,that you usually sighn off on,and you don't even need to look over your shoulder.
Nuff rambling...I must tell you about my day yesterday.
Ok now that I've signed in properly, I've actually been to one of those meetings. They got around to me and, I guess in arrogant youth, I got up and walked out. I could justify it a thousand different ways but I'm not going to.
The sad thing is, it took me flatlining to get there.
Later on, a friend of mine would say something to me that makes sense. I'll quote him.
"What you see when you get into those AA meetings, and this is what you didn't understand, it's that they're not there to impress anyone...that's them! All that ego shit...it's not there! That's all real shit and you're not going to get that much more real with anyone anywhere on the planet. Walking out when you did is understandable but you might have learned more if you had stayed."
-Stuart Wheeler loitering outside of a convenience store with me
My hat is off to those too. My husband just stopped drinking a few months ago and it has made our life so much better
WALKER*Did you mean I could have done it alone #1)the gas pumps? or #2) staying clean?
I'll opt for #2 for now,cuz you are right.Millions of ppl do it on their own.They may not agree or disagree w/ the A.A./N.A. way,but do it alone instead,and wind up doing JUST FINE.Some trash the drugs and stay in church,and stay clean.Some just say F'K it! I'm finished w/ the crap.However someone gets to that peace and freedom INSIDE themselves is something I admire.Different strokes for different folks.I just took the A.A. path,and was encircled w/ friends that helped me take those baby steps until I could walk.Then ran.Of course I ran a tad too fast and wound up running into a brick wall---but that's the price I had to pay for letting a chemical substance take over my body and mind.Rule #1---I have to stay completely away from anything that alters my mind.Then,nuttin' to it.The rest is a piece-of-cake,Cuz on a sober day,I'm one big wuss,and would never have the nerve to jeapordize my freedom by breaking a law..Yes,I said WUSS.A sober mind keeps your feet grounded(for me at least).
You are so freakin' right Walker.The OUTSIDE whisperer's suck,but as long as it doesn't interfere w/ my job or kids,then they can all kiss my A***.Like I've always said "some people just don't get caught".It's those SAME ding-dongs that you see around town (here in this itty-bitty town) with a beer in one hand and the steering wheel in the other.I suppose oblivious to the fact that Texas will lock you up for a DWI,and usually strike 3 and your out.....and on that bus to the pen.Several years ago,I knew ppl that had 10-15 DWI's hanging over their pickled head.Not now.M.A.D.D.(mothers against drunk driving)and those associations are making it REAL hard to drink and drive these days.
Even though I used to be REAL bad at that...I have seen both sides of that coin.The girls in TDC that shed REAL tears for the mothers they ran over and killed while intoxicated,leaving the lady's small children motherless.THen I've also been behind the wheel(or at least I THOUGHT I was) because I couldn't remember HOW I got home from the club.Then when I get a telephone call from a friend that told me I refused to let someone take me home,and DROVE my OWN self across town.Now THAT is some scary shit to have to go look and see if you ran into anything or check for dents anywhere on the car.uh-huh! YOU know what I'm talking about....don't cha?
Me?Living in the past? Not really.Just hoping someone can relate to my drunken story or my F'K ups,and stop and think before they cross that line nto dangerous territory.Hell,I could have hit a person walking down the street and never knew it.
Hey! I'm still in my comment section just blabbering on.
Oh well.Who made up these blog rules anyways.I'm revising them a tad.lol
I love all of my sweet drinkers/druggers/clean or sober.We are all on this one big journey called "LIFE".
Very late reply back to you Tammi but they do say if you forget about the past you are doomed to repeat it. When I hear this they are talking about history but that works here too.
Good for you on moving on like you have. *hugs* just because. You deserve much more. Take care.
Post a Comment