Now what??

I need to be getting ready...but I'm just taking my sweet little time as if I have all day.lol
Got things to do that I dread on my day off.Ray has burnt the phone lines up calling me...then if he can't reach me,he sends text mesages from his cell to my computer.Everybody is holding their breath...or so my sister says....will she get back with Ray or will she move on?I really do hate being alone,but I have to admit...it does have it's advantages.Nobody bossing you around....but daaang this bed sure seems bigger than usual.
Then again....with him working out of town lately,I think it's making it easier than I thought it would to blow him off.When we split about a year ago,oh my gosh,all I did was cry.My sister came to live with me during that period and I felt like I just took out all my anger and sadness on her.Poor thing.We actually got into a fist fight.Oh but she hit me first,and it was just like I suddenly took out all my anger on her and fought like I was in jail(yes,I had a huge fight in jail).We wound up crying over the whole ordeal b/c even though she hit me first,I went crazy on her.When we were getting dressed to go to a club,I couldn't even get make-up to cover up her poor face and eyes.I've never felt so bad in my life when ppl asked her what the xxxx happened,we just told them she was in a car accident. I KNEW Ray's sister was just TRYINGto push me to the point,and when I had to turn and walk away,that had to be the hardest thing I've ever done.All I could see was those cell bars staring back at me....cuz it wasn't gona be just a fight with YOUR OWN sister.It was gona be someone that could take my freedom in a heartbeat.So him basically siding with his family just infuriated me.It's not that he agreed with her...it's that he said and done NOTHING. Anyways... last year I lost weight like crazy in those 3 months that we seperated.When Ray first seen me,he thought for sure I was on drugs,I got so skinny.He hadn't seen me at all during those 3 months,and the funny thing is...he didn't even try to call like this time.I didn't know where he moved to,and I MADE myself not ask anybody,cuz I KNEW if I found out where he was at,I might break down and beg him to come back like a dummy.We wound up back together though,and now here we are again.Feels like I just wasted a whole lot of time for nothing.
Hmmm...good points.I can come and go as I please now.My best friend,that he can't stand is back in touch,and my gosh I feel like I just got out of prison again.
Oweeee I gotta do something with this hair and get something done today.