Texas Tammi

Lately I have been taking a real hard inventory of my life,and all the events that have happened in the past year,and I can't seem to figure out how to get back to the Tammi I used to be.No drama.No wrecks.Great job.Great car(material things,that is).No hassles w/ bills.What's happening?How am I making it through all these close calls and still land back on my feet.It's like I'm fighting some kind of invisible dragon,and I can't seem to get it off me.The giggly,laughing everything off Tammi is slowly fading away,and it's scaring the xxxx out of me.I've never been a dull drab type of person,but since the first wreck.....NO,since the break-up with Ray about a year ago,things have been steadily going down hill.My daughter needs me and I can't even seem to be able to help her.Somethings gotta give.
Once again....I made the decision to split w/ Ray again,and once again,I chickened out,and believed him when he said he would change.Makes me feel like such a dumb-ass,cuz I've heard his same routine "Baby,please give me one more chance"......how many one more chances is it gona take for me to get the nerve to go?I had everything all planned out...right down to the ppl that were gona help me move my things while he was at work,and once again I backed down.I've never considered myself a weak person,or easily persuaded...but when it comes to HIM,I'm like a lost puppy.I have so much support and help of all kinds from ppl in my family,and friends,but they all basically say that as long as I choose to stay w/ Ray,I'm on my own.God knows I'm SO not happy with the way my life is going now,and yet I choose to stay in it.What in the hell is wrong with me? My Mom says I must be a glutton for punishment.Maybe I AM punishing myself ,in a sense,for my past wrong-doings....but dannnng,that's getting way too deep for me.So I'll get off my pity-pot now and sign off on that miserable note.Maybe it's time to make another grateful list.Afterall,there ARE many many things that I DO have to be grateful for.Sometimes it's just hard to see b/c I'm too busy looking at all the bullxxxx.
Love,Happiness,and PTL I still have my Freedom!! (_x_)