Since Ray got his cell phone back on,he's called me about 100 times since he left to go work out of town.I promised that my ass would be moved OUT before he got back,because HE refuses to be the one to leave.My car is still in the shop and I don't even know where in the crap I can go and feel comfortable till I can get back out on my own.My Dad in Houston is OUT of the question.My Mom's in Tyler is a big no-no.My best friend,who has recently became single herself...well....she is totally into the club scene,and I know I will be right w/ her(back in the club scene) if I go there.NOT that there is anything wrong with that.I'm glad she's having fun and living life again after her divorce(as she would put it).I have some cash-ola in the bank...but it needs to go for car repairs or getting another car,if necessary.
I'm just so fed up w/ these petty arguements that wind up in a full fledged blow-out's and threats.Not just threats on my life,but he's saying he can file charges on me for using his last name a few times.I wonder how much truth is in that? He said he would plant something on me...Burn me out of house and home.Said he would make sure I get locked up for something...because he KNOWS that going back to jail is my biggest fear.I'm not doing anything,but just the thought of going back to jail or prison freaks me out.I can't imagine HOW some people can get out of prison and go back to drinking and drugging.I'm not saying I've been a total angel....in fact I screwed up big time since I got off parole....but believe me.....I got on top of that and REFUSE to let myself slip again.No friggin way.But Ray swears he'll plant something on me...and I believe him,cuz I've seen him ,and know personally how devious he can be when someone pisses him off.
Dammit....it feels like my life is a series of crisis's,and so unbalanced.
I don't know how much more I can take.
I DO love Ray.....but my heart is getting harder and harder with each threat.People say "Leave him!" But it's just not that simple.How? With what money? Where?
I need a miracle.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
LIFE IS JUST ONE BIG CRISIS
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6 comments:
Hi! I just recently found your blog via PrisonPete I believe. I have some suggestions for you if you are open to that. If not, I respect that :)
Di
ABSOLUTELY! I would love to hear your suggestions.I'm so confused right now,that I can't find my ass with both hands (as my Dad would say) lol
Sure...I'm open for your input.
Thanks...Tam
Okay! Having survived a number of toxic relationships myself and come out on top.....
Any man that threatens you with even the mildest type of threat.. such as 'fine. you won't wash my clothes I won't buy groceries' is an imbecile. A child.
Ray sounds like a total asshole. Seriously. He has to hold his g/f hostage to keep her? How fucked is that? He can't keep a woman or a relationship on its own merit? Blow Him Off.
You read like a kind loving focussed woman. Focussed on your future and having a brighter one. You can and should expect that from any man you choose to be with.
You have every right and reason to expect from any man that wants you for a partner or even girlfriend that he be at least as much as you, and more.
Just cause a guy sits in your doorway and says 'yer mine' don't make him the winner. Ya know? We've ALL had our shrare of THOSE types. And they never work out. For us. For him? they get to play the field and keep a good'un on the homefront. We're better than that. We've earned better than that. HELL ya.
You leave. You go to the cops and file a report. Just in case. And you don't tell Ray that you have. Just have it on the record. And when he comes a calling? You call the cops.. The only way to break this is to break all ties with him. If you want drama..you got it in him. If you want a different life? You can do that, too. Don't let a "Ray" keep you from that. He is blocking the way for the Good Guy to come to you.
Am I being too forward?
Okay! Having survived a number of toxic relationships myself and come out on top.....
Any man that threatens you with even the mildest type of threat.. such as 'fine. you won't wash my clothes I won't buy groceries' is an imbecile. A child.
Ray sounds like a total asshole. Seriously. He has to hold his g/f hostage to keep her? How fucked is that? He can't keep a woman or a relationship on its own merit? Blow Him Off.
You read like a kind loving focussed woman. Focussed on your future and having a brighter one. You can and should expect that from any man you choose to be with.
You have every right and reason to expect from any man that wants you for a partner or even girlfriend that he be at least as much as you, and more.
Just cause a guy sits in your doorway and says 'yer mine' don't make him the winner. Ya know? We've ALL had our shrare of THOSE types. And they never work out. For us. For him? they get to play the field and keep a good'un on the homefront. We're better than that. We've earned better than that. HELL ya.
You leave. You go to the cops and file a report. Just in case. And you don't tell Ray that you have. Just have it on the record. And when he comes a calling? You call the cops.. The only way to break this is to break all ties with him. If you want drama..you got it in him. If you want a different life? You can do that, too. Don't let a "Ray" keep you from that. He is blocking the way for the Good Guy to come to you.
Am I being too forward?
"There must be 50 ways to leave your lover." By Paul Simon
Listen to the words.
Oh ya. I know Ray. I know all his friends, too :) And I've been you and I've known many women who were us.
One second is too long to stay with someone who treats you badly. Once in a while we all have our bad moods. But often? No. That means we have a problem that only he can solve.
You're no angel and neither am I. We also don't beat up, threaten, or chain our partners.
I don't blame you one bit for succumbing to Ray's sobs and pleas. He's right. He's never been treated so well by anyone before you. Here's what Ray doesn't get. You deserve that same treatment and better!
Since he can't understand that and you have an obligation to yourself to live, he's giving you no choice but to leave. He's making that decision for you.
You aren't abandoning him or being cruel. He's behaving in ways that prevent you from staying with him. He's made that choice. And like any adult, he has to live with that choice. He'll have to live without you. He's a big boy. He'll figure out how. He could also figure out how to grow up and be decent and good and kind. But, he's choosing not to do that.
You are better than him. You deserve better than him. Anyone does. I wish you only the best Tammi :)
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