Tuesday, February 25, 2014

I am so happy to finally have peace.I mean REAL peace since I've been out of TDC.The most amazing thing happened to me a little over 3 years ago.I had went to jail March 3rd,and a few days later a sweet lady came up to see me that my daughter called.She's the mother of the preacher at Church on the Move here in Tyler Texas.I was having severe withdrawals from methadone & Xanax that I thought I was gona surely die I was so so sick I couldn't even begin to explain it all in words.Well,she came up to the jail to see me and bring a bible & pray for me,and mentioned that maybe when I was released after doing my time,that I could come to their church.Well,I never saw her again until my sisters precious son died and she was there doing little Vinnie's memorial,and I remembered her from coming to the jail.So it dawned on me right then & there...that even though I was out of lockup,and even though I wasn't on drugs,I STILL had a big gaping hole in my heart that kept nagging at me and I seen myself becoming more & more depressed,and for really no apparent reason that I could think of.So after that memorial I couldn't get this awesome lady off my mind,so I decided to stop making excuses and go to Church on the Move .I haven't been the same since! I feel a joy that I've never felt before,a joy that can only come from Jesus Christ filling that gaping hole in my heart!,Even throughout the week,I have the desire to pray constantly & read my bible like never before.Years ago...going to church was just a Sunday thing,and live like a party animal the rest of the week.But Praise the Lord,He took away the desire for me to live for a drug,an abusive man,the next party or club or any of those things that could never fill that need,or hole in my heart.Mrs.Viola Aguirre is one amazing Christian that left footprints on my heart helping to lead me back to the Lord where I should have never left...because I KNOW He NEVER left me.To God be the glory!
  One things for sure that I forgot to mention....not EVERY day is peaches n cream...and I can't say joy is just a 24/7 thing...but I CAN truly...truly say "I may not be where I WANT to be,but THANK GOD I'm not where I used to be"!!!


Sunday, January 26, 2014

Random Pix to peep-ola

Pix to peep-ola. :-)

Thursday, January 16, 2014

This is gona be a GREAT year.My kiddo is gona have a bundle of joy soon and I can't be more excited!!! She's a good Mom and I hope to be the best grandma EVER for this little man!!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Monday, December 9, 2013

Sunday, August 4, 2013

So sad today.My daughter is back in jail facing prison time.The Judge may have a heart and re-instate her...but I don't know because she's already been re-instated once not too long ago.I'm feeling so many mixed emotions.Blame...I set a horrible example for my 2 daughters.People keep saying,"ohh its not ur fault,she's grown,etc,etc..."But what am I supposed to think?Ive been to prison twice and
what child should HAVE to endure that kind of life?My other daughter is the exact opposite.She would NEVER smoke embalming fluid(which is what my youngest is facing prison time for).She is byfar not perfect,but she's so opposite from her sister in that,she would be scared to death to ever steal from a store,or anything like that.I'm just so sad right now I can hardly find the words to put on paper to write her.She's in Henderson Co,not near me---but when she gets moved back (soon) I will be able to go see her and I'm terrified I'm gona fall to pieces.Even though like everyone keeps saying:she IS in a safe environment,unlike where she was before she got locked up...it STILL hurts knowing the conditions she is living in.Only because I've been on the inside...NOT just an outsider looking in.I've been there,seen the depths of despair.The fighting.The hunger.I have failed her when she was younger...but when I was released last Oct.2012,I tried to not just TELL her how to live,I'v e tried showing her how easy it is to live right.She refused to even come stay with me(probably when I said no drugs,no hoodlums in my home etc)But maybe if I would have did more to encourage her to come live with me and dealt with things as they came...then maybe she wouldn't be where she is...I don't know.Just thinking outloud.Used to blog daily.Then for 2 years I handwrote in journals(on the inside)...but had it not been for releasing my anger or depression on paper,I would have kept things held inside and let it come out in all the wrong ways,making my time worse.My prayer for you today Kalon is to find peace in ur heart,and take this time and think about choosing a new way to live,because after the beatings you took,the robbery & other things I can't mention..babygirl,you are lucky to be alive.Sadly,I have to admit to u that I am more content that u ARE in a safer place.Not completely safe,afterall they've taken the worste of the worste off the streets & put them all together....so I STILL worry about ur safety.I worry that the Judge wanted a 20-30 year sentence when u got this case,and I pray he doesn't do that.But at least your not where u were at.I love you Kalon.I will be here for you 110% and stand by ur side the whole way thru this.I miss u babygirl.I miss the Kalon that graduated high school and was against anything or anybody involved in drugs.I love u....Mom